Suspect At Large, May Be Headed in Easterly Direction

ATLANTA| Sept 6, 2011 12:20pm

Several plants were discovered near-death and lying in their own pools of soil this morning as their overturned shared pot lay helpless on its side. Foul play is suspected.

So Much Potential: the victims as one-week-old seedlings.

Popular herbs, Basil, Chives, Oregano, and Parsley were discovered just before daylight on the back patio lying helpless in a pool of the very soil used to keep them alive.  The seedlings were set to celebrate their first month since germination on September 16th.

There have been reports of damaging winds heard passing through the area last night, though no surrounding plants are willing to come forward as witnesses to the brutal attack. Several of the possible witnesses also sustained damage, suggesting that they may have been intimidated by the perpetrator.

Alongside its culinary companions, the plant stand meant to support them was also discovered collapsed and unconscious.  When interviewed by investigators, the stand refused to answer questions.  "I don't know if it's because it's intimidated, involved, or just inanimate" said the lead detective.  "Either way," she continued, "it's pretty flimsy and likely could not support its own weight during such violent atmospheric situations."  The stand is not considered a suspect.

Partial reenactment: hours after the gruesome discovery.

As of now, the plants are clinging to life.

"I gently scooped up the intact remains of each seedling and nestled them back into the pot", said the head of gardeniatric surgery.  "It's too early to tell if they will pull through; though mostly because I have never dealt with this kind of situation before."

Hopefully, these young herbs will survive long enough to be killed in the kitchen as the good lord intended.