Publishing Rights

I don't know if I told you, but I spent hours upon hours locked away in my room as a young'n.  It was the only space in my life where I had complete control and solace.  I would rearrange furniture, reorganize stuff that was already organized, and do hip things like read books and mimic Paula Abdul.  My small room had the warmth of a giant hug.  It's the reason I still enjoy and prefer cozy spaces.

I could sit for hours in my room playing games on a hand-me-down Tandy computer.  Occasionally, I would try to start a Doogie Howser style journal, but I never had anything worth reporting (Dear Diary: Today, I played my Belinda Carlisle tape and when she sang "Circle in the Sand", I decided to bury my radio in the sand, but I forgot about the "circle".)

Eventually, I graduated to a hand-me-down AST computer.  My old dot-matrix printer and 5.25" floppy disks were cleared away to make room for the new, sophisticated equipment which included a built-in fax modem!  (I didn't know what a fax or a modem was, but I felt high tech.)  This is what I used to create a family newsletter.

I wrote about happenings within the family, illegally shared copyrighted material -- "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy" -- and made up various scenarios.  Anything to fill pages.  I would print one copy at home and send it to work with my mom, so that she could copy it and mail to my "subscribers".  Even though reports would come back that people liked my newsletters, I never felt confident about it.

I still feel that way.

I guess with anything creative, there will always be vulnerability and self-doubt lingering just a few steps behind.  Creative types already know the fundamental rule to sharing any art -- share the best, trash the rest.  With this blog, I only hit "publish" when I feel good and confident about what I've written.  Hours later, regret taps me on the shoulder and reminds me how lame I am.   

I've actually made this problem worse by creating the stupid email list (you're on) announcing my updates.   That brilliant idea came when a couple of technologically challenged readers needed assistance in checking for updates and understanding how a blog works.  Foolishly confident, I decided to add everyone invited to the site to the distribution list.  Now, I would rather you simply bookmarked this page and checked on it when you felt like it. (Otherwise, it feels like I'm pointing a neon sign at my sub-par work, and I feel embarrassed.)

Recently, I decided to sign up with the Yahoo! Contributor Network as a possible revenue source.  In order to make money, I either have to give exclusive rights to Yahoo!/Associated Content (meaning I cannot republish any portion on my blog or elsewhere) and/or have a high volume of page views.  Contributors with over a million page views typically earn about forty cents per word.  So far, I have about 20 page views.  That means that in three years, I should have enough money to purchase E5 or F2  from any vending machine within a 30-mile radius.